It may have not escaped my loyal readers attention that after promising to tell the tale of my recent hospitalization I failed to do so! There are very good reasons for that folks.
It has to do with drugs, as so many things do nowadays amirite!?
After my knee replacement surgery, a fairly traumatic operation I think you will agree, I was sent home with a small box of skittles which had childishly scrawled on top in three different crayon colors, "painkillers." They surprised me with their ineffectiveness even though all the medical professionals proclaimed them to be good skittles and adequate to the task at hand. But still I was forced after a week of no sleep and mounting insanity to abuse some rather hefty sleeping pills I had acquired through true and trusty methods in an attempt to get the rest I so sorely needed by that time and flee the pain. So, triple the dose under the tongue at bedtime and start counting the hallucinations which began appearing immediately in many and varied a form. Hey, hows it hanging Freddy!?
But, I woke up in the morning right as rain if not still a little wobbly and decided to beat Mrs. T. into the kitchen and prepare breakfast as a surprise. The surprise came in the form of me losing my balance and Mrs. T. finding her husband crumpled and shrieking on the floor not able to lie still, stand upright or stop with the grunting noises that occasionally returned to shrieks.
After much shrieking (me) Mrs. T. was able to haul my carcass onto the couch where later I was able to make it to the bed by following along the wall. Now I'm hooped! Not only a gimp leg but now a twisted back and the bottle of sleeping pills dwindling fast. So what to do? Phone emergency services of course!
They showed up in no time, ahem, having been to my place once before to haul me away to hospital with an acute attack of the kidney stones which had the disconcerting affect of actually turning my eyes yellow.
Two younger EMT ladies who have seen a lot;
1- it's him again
2- what is it this time, his eyes are rolling all over the place again
1- i understand it's a Canadian thing, they like to look behind themselves to take note of the trail
2- ?
1- ...you talk to him this time
2-the hell, i'll talk to his wife...she seems normal. Nu?
They couldn't believe that I questioned the potency of the clinic supplied skittles but knew there was no arguing with these effete Westerners so a gauge #29 syringe of "horse" to the glutinous maximus was indicated and I was soon galloping with my trusty steed across a pristine summer beach.
1- are they all like that?
Mrs. T.- most are worst
2- fooo....
